One of my favorite songs is a song by Addison Road,
What do I know of Holy. The first time I listened to it on the radio, I fell in
love with it. But then I started pondering the lyrics and what they mean.
“What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion?”
I know a
lot about God. I have read the stories over and over and heard teachings from
the word and lived through brokenness and hard times emotionally. Of course I
know who God is. But there was something more.
The song lyrics go on like this:
“I made you promises a thousand times, I try to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time. I think I made you too small. I never feared you at all. No. If you touched my face would I know you? Looked into my eyes could I behold you? I guess I thought that I had figured you out. I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about how you were mighty to save. Those were only empty words on a page.”
I have witnessed this love running after me more than I have
been running towards it. I believe that we are put into positions in life to
only be brought closer to the love of the Lord. I have some times from my past,
times that I thought I was in fear of the Lord and that He was working in my
life. I think I was just standing on the edge. If God had reached out and touched
my face then, would I have recognized it? Perhaps I can even say that from last
week…..I was so obsessed with my own selfish desires that I didn’t recognize Him
right in front of me. There are so many times that I am so inward focused that
I lose sight of the bigger picture. The one in which God is working in my life.
Finding and naming the joys in life help to bring me out of that and
recognizing His hand in so many aspects of feeling cared for and loved by so
many.
Over the last 3 years the Lord has really been working on my
heart, plunging me into the ocean of His love….preparing me for the here and
now. I could have said the same thing 1 year ago. I love looking back and
seeing His divine hand in my life. How He directed my path so purposefully. Right
from the weeks of summer camp in Ocean City to the path He led me on to
eventually meet Scott.
And right where I sit now at my desk in Souderton, PA....I
am feeling particularly blessed in the outpouring of love and support from our
family and our church family during these last few weeks and in the next few
weeks to come. To see people rallying around us, to help us out and make sure
that each of us, even the children, are well cared for is so awesome. And I
know that God’s hand is in it all. He cares for all of the details, even the
little things.
I recognized today that a lot of my mood has been challenged
by the situation we find ourselves in. It is a choice to make it a good day or
self-pitying day. I think the challenges Mithadeline is facing over the next
year are so large that it has been daunting. She cannot even see the big
picture like I can and she is feeling overwhelmed with it all. It shows in her
mood. And my mood is affected by this also (we all are).
Today I was determined to break free of the rain cloud
hanging around here. Late this morning, Elias was reading a book on the couch.
Mithadeline was straining from the floor to see what he was doing. So I asked
her if she wanted to sit up on the couch. Of course she did, so I motioned for
her to move there. (She has not attempted to get on the couch on her own since before
the casting began.) She buckled down with all her might and she got herself up
on the couch to sit next to Elias. We erupted in cheers and high fives. That
familiar smile, with a hint of a tear running down her cheek…it was a moment
that took my breath away. We ARE able to conquer things that look daunting….and
when we do there is much to celebrate.
This was a big boost to the morale around here. Praying our
spirits can stay lifted.
The song goes on to say,
“Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be, the slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees….”.
Here is where the song makes sense. I have seen glimpses of
the God who gave life its name. The glimpses come in the form of hands making
and bringing us meals or phone calls/text messages/emails of encouragement.
People working on our behalf to find childcare for our children during doctor
visits, seeing Mithadeline push through with determination to reach an
insurmountable goal and those very tiny moments where I can look to this Mighty
God and praise Him for all He has done and continues to do in our lives. I fall
to my knees, humbled by the love of a God who cares so much.
“All creation knows your name, on earth and heaven above, what do I know of this love?”
I am finding I know more about this love and about holy than
I ever could have imagined.