I have not written in a while; partly due to a crazy
schedule, and partly due to the fact that life has just been hard the last few
weeks.
But as I reflect on the last few weeks, I am reminded of God’s
steadfastness and protection.
Mithadeline had a slight cough and some congestion a few
weeks ago. So did I. She seemed to have excess mucus making her burps or coughs
sound like she was going to lose her lunch, but had been able to keep it down. She
went for a routine cast change on the following Monday morning. Upon leaving
the hospital and driving home, she seemed to have this same reaction, coughing
up some phlegm. We did not think much of it. When she came home she had a snack
of pretzels and water. She promptly threw this up. This went on for the next
7ish hours. We would give her tummy about an hour to recuperate and then try
something small again. We tried pedialyte, water, pretzels, bread, in small
amounts over this time frame and everything came back up, with a whole lot of
phlegm. It was not fun. Mithadeline seemed weak from not eating and just
miserable.
Here is where my mind started to go whacky. I knew she had a
surgical procedure coming up in 10 days. She needed to be well enough for that.
If this cough/phlegm issue developed into a full-fledged cold we would be in
jeopardy of missing that surgical appointment. I started to worry and get
anxious. I wanted her to stop throwing up and be able to keep food down so she
would feel better. I was worried about not having a doctor to take her to if indeed
that was needed. I was worried she would become so ill, and she would miss that
appointment 10 days from now.
I know this truth. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t
worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need,
and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which
exceeds anything we can understand. His
peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” But
living this out in this moment had really not occurred to me. I was much better
off on my own, in my little corner, worrying my little heart out.
Unfortunately, worry overtakes my emotions and I can’t think
of anything else. So we went through the day, emptying buckets…..and finally Scott
came home. I ran out for some pedialyte and we had dinner. Mithadeline stayed
on the couch, resting. I decided I needed a few moments alone….so I ran an
errand to Jo-ann Fabrics. I was almost there when Scott called to tell me that
Mithadeline had thrown up one more time. I was ready to throw my hands up in
the air. And realized in that moment, I had not invited God into the situation
in my soul. I stopped before going into the store…..and prayed, in earnest; asking
God to please take this illness away from Mithadeline and have her be well in
time for surgery. This seemed like a big request, but He is a big God. I was
feeling like I did not have any choice but to believe that He would take it away.
I sat for a moment in silence, and then completed my errand.
When I got home, Mithadeline was asking for chocolate milk, no begging for it.
We know a thing or two about stomach bugs…and decided putting her to bed hungry
for chocolate milk was better than giving in and seeing that chocolate milk
again soon. This was a good sign though, no more throw-ups and she was hungry. I
did remember the prayer I prayed, and was thankful for this first answer.
So the next morning, she was well, ate plain toast and water
and then a snack of pretzels. Had rice for lunch with some juice and then was
eating normal for the afternoon and evening. The bug seemed to have passed, but
the cough was hanging on. Not sure if it was because she never had a cold with
this much mucus or what, but she was trying to hide the coughs instead of using
them to get the mucus up. She also might have been afraid about more than just
coughing when she had that urge, like maybe throwing up again. I was
encouraging her to cough it up though. She was not happy with me. I would ask
her to cough when I heard the gurgling in her voice….she would just turn her
head away from me. I was sure she was going to get pneumonia. I had to recall
the prayer I prayed just 2 days ago. We now had about 7 days until surgery. I
continued to encourage the deep coughs….she obliged me sometimes, but most of
the time she ignored me. It was very frustrating.
The rest of the week was horrible, some days I was able to cling
to the idea that God had heard my plea and everything was going to be ok. And
some days, I worried myself sick.
Turns out, she was well enough for the surgery and
everything went well. She had tendon release on both feet and they now sit in a
position like ours. It is exciting to be one step closer to completion of
casts. She has about 6 more weeks!
I wrote this as a reminder, for anyone reading and for
myself, that God does answer prayer. Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes it
is not. But in the time in between, worry and anxiety should not fill our
souls, it is dangerous.
1 Peter 5:7 says this: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Psalm 55:22 says this: Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
I can say this is easier said than done and in the midst of
a troubling situation, it can be hard to think and believe these things….but
God really does care about big and small things. I need a reminder to focus on
little things, one step at a time, rather than a huge picture in front of me,
knowing God promises to walk along the path with me.