I always knew being a parent carried a tremendous amount of
responsibility. But this week, the weight of that responsibility is heavy. We
have news to share with our son that we are not sure how he will take. At first
glance it seems devastating, crippling against the piles of accomplishments he
has achieved in school this year. This news seems to totally defeat all those
strides. At the same time, the news takes those strides into account and sees
the bigger picture of the future. As his mother, my heart breaks under this
weight. Our little boy is not being promoted to 6th grade and is
being asked to repeat 5th grade.
Sure, there are worse things, many worse things. But my
heart is totally breaking over this. We expected it and I kept cool during the
meeting, just a few tears in the corner of my eyes once (especially as his
teacher showed her emotion over it all). But now, my cheeks are drenched as I
consider what his reaction might be like. I keep trying to gauge what it might
be and I am at a loss.
You see, this boy is one of the most thoughtful boys I know.
He has love in his heart bigger than himself. He is conscientious and caring
and sensitive. And I know how hard he worked this year, not only academically
against so many learning challenges, but emotionally. He had not sat in a
school classroom since kindergarten. He spent the last 4 years at the kitchen
table with me. He had to integrate his shy, introverted self into a classroom.
He had to make friends, develop peer relationships and overcome tremendous anxiety. And he did just that. It
took him more time than most, but he is a deep part of his class and feels
comfortable with them. Best of all, he did it with a smile on his face.
That is the hardest part of all of this. It is easy to look
at the academic side of this and totally see how much he can benefit from one more
year at 5th grade with his awesome teachers. He has deep learning challenges and made
tremendous accomplishments in this year. The teaching staff feels like one more
year under his belt at this level will be the push he needs to move on into the
later grades and do the tougher work. I have to agree with this; which is what
makes it even more difficult. But when you consider how hard he worked to build
friendships and relationships and now will be asked to sort of do that all over
again, my heart sinks.
But as I sat here typing this, tears streaming, I also was
flooded with the sheer amount of resilience that this boy has. He has proven
that over and over. And just when we thought we knew how something was going to
go or how he would handle it, he proved to us otherwise. I was prepared for
headaches and fights and tears trying to get him out the door each morning for
school and then again in the evening to make homework a reality. But I was
proved wrong. He happily got ready for school, without complaints, every day
this school year. He did his homework each night, almost, no questions asked.
He read the required amounts of reading each week, willingly.
These things can be attributed to many things, but I feel
mostly to his personality. And secondarily to the school he attends. He is
attending a local public charter school in our district. From day one, I felt
discouraged about having him attend there. The school is very academic. He has
some significant learning delays and I think, honestly the school was wary
about that. But we felt like it would be a good fit for him so we pressed on.
And his love of reading and joy for school has surely been built by the
learning environment in this school. The founders and all the teachers have
such a love for learning and collaboration and it has surely carried over into
our son. The school is also set up in such a way that it is a fairly normal
thing for someone to move up a grade or stay back in a grade more often than in
a traditional school. They employ a very individualized plan, meaning you learn
at the level that you are on, taking into account that every student learns
differently and at their own pace (this is what the school was founded on). The
classes (grades) are also not numbered, each grade has a name, so rather than
be called 5th grade, they are known as Elms, or Willows, or Mighty
Oaks.
This is the biggest talking point, really: To think last
year at this time, books were his enemies….and now they are a treasured friend.
He despised writing because it was extremely difficult for him, but now has
found a confidence along the way, instilled by love and dedication his teachers
have poured into him (and each student they teach).
My hope here is that through all of this, that he doesn’t
feel like his accomplishments are not adding up or that they are not worth
anything because he has to repeat a grade. And I hope he can see that we want
nothing but the best for him; because it is only through these accomplishments
that we are talking about all of this. We have the summer to keep working on
certain skills and a chance for promotion to 6th grade in the fall.
But as hard as it is, I am embracing this idea. I don’t like
it and don’t really want to have it happen, but I want my son to succeed in
school and not always feel like he doesn’t measure up. For now, this appears
necessary for success. It has taken me several days to get to this point, many
thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head and many a tear shed.
Here’s to hoping he surprises us once again….