Psalm 139:23-24:
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Verse 24, See if there is any offensive way in me. Any evil thought. Any wicked way. Any unhealthy habits. If these offensive ways exist, remove them. Take them from me. Purify me. Cleanse me.
When I read or sing these verses, I am asking for my heart to be examined. I am prayerfully asking the Lord to check me out, test me. Show me the wicked I have trapped inside. Make it glaring. I never realized before now how that might leave me feeling. What happens when you air your dirty laundry?
So, if I thought this would be an easy task, I have been mistaken. But often times I have quoted these verses or sang the song and was just going through the motions. These last few days it has been real.
When I was brought to a low point through stressful situations, I prayed this prayer and God showed me. In my lowest point, did I really need to have my wicked ways thrown in my face? Not in my thought process, but if I am consumed by my own thoughts, I am not on a right path of relationship with the Lord. I was asking for help, beckoning for my Savior to drag me from the pit. And not only show me the wickedness, but to bring me to a new place of recognition of who I am and what I have been created for. When I am consumed by anxiousness or grief or jealousy, I am not a useable vessel. I want to be able to filled and used for God's purposes.
The Bridge Band has an awesome song (click here to go to the song) with the verses quoted above as the chorus. The words, apart from the chorus go like this:
I don't wanna hide anymore from Your voice
I don't wanna run anymore from Your words
I don't wanna bow anymore to these gods
I don't wanna worship anymore of these things
I don't wanna chase anymore of these dreams
Don't wanna walk away anymore from your love
I don't wanna live anymore for this world
Don't wanna find my strength anymore in myself
I don't wanna spill anymore of Your blood
Don't wanna be ashamed anymore of Your name
I just wanna lay all my crowns at Your feet
Go back and reread those verses...Don't wanna find my strength anymore in myself. Ouch. I have been living for me. Time for a change. I just want to lay all my crowns at your feet.
search me - oh God and know my heart
test me - and know my anxious thoughts
see me - if there is any offensive way in me
lead me - in the way everlasting