I was spurred back in September to memorize a portion of scripture. I was memorizing it to teach it to the children at church. We were going to spend a month memorizing scripture with added motions for help in remembering. When I had decided to do some scripture memory with them, I started on a search for what to memorize. I seemed to come quickly to a video on you tube of someone saying Psalm 23 with motions. It seemed basic enough and straightforward. So I watched the video a few times, printed out the words and worked on it. What I did not realize at the time was that I did not just happen upon these verses as the ones to memorize and teach. I believe God had purposefully directed me towards these specific words as I would be needing them bound up in my own heart in the coming weeks. The children and I did work through the entirety of Psalm 23.
I was brought back to Psalm 23 this evening as I dealt with some personal emotional issues, of course, spurred on by my own doing. I realized about a day ago that Mithadeline was going to have some severe emotional trauma in adjusting to this large contraption on her leg. And it seemed fitting for her, it seemed appropriate that she need to go through that. What I did not expect was to be in such severe emotional trauma myself. As an adult and caregiver, I just suspected I would be able to cope with the majority of what we would be going through in the days ahead of us. I had such a sense of calmness and peace going into the procedure. And I know exactly where that calmness and peace came from.
But like David, like a lost sheep, I wandered off. I turned my back. I carried my load on my own shoulders and I got lost. I was bleating in the darkness-- wanting to be rescued, but something about that darkness felt miserably comfortable, so I wallowed in it. And the darker it got and farther away I got, I realized I was in desperate need of saving, of being rescued, restored. That is when the words of Psalm 23 came to my mind (see God purposefully had me remember them back in September, for such a time as this). David prayed this prayer out to the Lord because he was like a lost sheep also. He understood in great depth, being a shepherd himself, the desperation and the need of the sheep and the compassionate and gentle love of the shepherd for his flock.
This is a reminder to me that I do need to lie down in the green pasture, to rest in the One who can restore my soul. Not wander away, and keep wandering. And I realize through it all that ultimately, even in these darkest of times, it is the restoration and the cleansing that allows me to see fully the grace and mercy and love that God has bestowed upon us, as His people.
My prayers now are to see each moment in my days ahead as a glimpse into the eyes of God. As I do mundane and hard tasks, I am not doing them for my own personal gain, but for the glory of the Father. He is my portion and if I allow it, He can fill me up so completely. It is a choice...choose pain and misery or choose the path of grace and mercy and healing.
If you desire to memorize Pslam 23, the video I used can be found here.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside still waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He leads me along paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.